I am spending my child support on dildos
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize