Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize