The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
