dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
