He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
