Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
