Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
