So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
