considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize