im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
