Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
