I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
