I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
