I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
