I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
