so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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