This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize