11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize