yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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