Can i not drive my cunt home
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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