I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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