it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
