im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
