She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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