I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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