I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
