Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
