You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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