The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
