i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
