the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
