I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
