Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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