i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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