the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
