she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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