did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
