i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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