Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
