shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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