Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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