You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
