I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish you could order shots online.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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