Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
