It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
