I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Boobs are out for the taking
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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