operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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