she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
