Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
