Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
