I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
