I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize