What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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