I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
