I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
