i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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