I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
