does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
