I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize