Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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