So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just pee around me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
