my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
