oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
