dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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