Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
