Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
should my penis look like a turkey
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
