is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
