Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
