My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
